chicken | Marketing BS: Rant of the day

Stupid automotive monikers:

the Nissan "Armada"
the Buick "Enclave"

If auto makers are going to go to such ridiculous naming extremes, pretty soon they will come out with something like the Lexus "Panic Room".

As Gob would say, oh COME ON.

The "Armada" was my favorite mockable one for a long time, because it's plural. Your stupid gas-wasting SUV is so effing big that it's the size of an entire FLEET of ships?

Then yesterday we spied the "Enclave" for the first time. Holy cow, that's just ludicrous. The worst part is that the auto makers pay marketing people actual money to come up with these insane names. Some of these names are very silly. Most of the people in vehicles called "Mountaineers" have never been and and never will be anywhere near the mountains. At least the "Suburban" is an honest name.

Don't even get me started on the Hummer.

I apologize to anyone on my f-list who drives an SUV, but I just don't understand them. To me they are a symbol of ridiculous American wastefulness. They are unsafe and they are a menace to normal-sized cars. And sometimes, people buy them to compensate for certain things.

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I just don't understand them. To me they are a symbol of ridiculous American wastefulness. They are unsafe and they are a menace to normal-sized cars. And sometimes, people buy them to compensate for certain things.

My mother calls it BCSD syndrome (Big Car, Small Dick).

Personally, I find the butch masculine names more amusing than the psuedo-continetnal ones like Cinquecento and Zafira. Bill Bailey does a wonderful routine about how cars should be named after things people really want, like the Disappointment

My mother calls it BCSD syndrome (Big Car, Small Dick).

That's why that mini cooper advert was so brilliant -- it only aired in Britain, I think, because it starred all British actors. Men were lined up with doors in front of their crotches and the female game show contestant (played by Casey Ainsworth of Eastenders) had to guess what car they drove based on what she saw behind each door. Aiden Gillen (of qaf) played the mini cooper driver, of course, and the tagline was "when you have nothing to prove".

I think the safety thing is one of the big reasons people buy those behemoths, at least subconsciously. They are a menace to smaller cars, and that's what they want: the assurance that in an accident, they'll "win." All of those safety-related names reinforce that. "Enclave" is a particularly brilliant one, because it denotes both safety and exclusivity, designed to appeal to the person who is entirely self-centered! Good catch on "Armada," which will now crack me up when I hear about it in commercials. A fleet of ships!

Anyway, I hate cars period, and I'm definitely with you: almost no one actually needs one of those things.

That's the thing though, they are NOT safe. While they may win in a head-on collision, they roll over more easily than normal cars. I've known two people who rolled them over into ditches, and I saw a stranger roll theirs over as well. To me they seem very scary.

Oh, totally. "Safe" is not a word I would use to describe my feelings the couple of times I rode in one, footage of those rollovers in my head.

I get it. If you don't ever go off-road why have an SUV? Honestly, I even have trouble understanding why people who live in the a city serviced by decent public transport would have a car at all, unless you're like a tradesperson or a delivery driver or something.

That being said, my parents have an SUV hahaha. But they can get away with it because they used to live somewhere that the quickest way to get to the nearest town involved 10kms of unsealed, dirt road. To take the highway you'd add an extra 30 minutes to your trip. So I'll let them off the hook for now.

An actual dirt road! That's something, anyway. It's kind of funny that many SUVs only experience actual dirt when they accidentally roll over off the highway and into a ditch.

Most American cities have terrible public transport. It's very depressing.

Yeh I know! Actual dirt! I was like O.O when Dad drove off the highway hehe.

Trust me when I say that Aussie cities aren't much better with public transport. Sydney is alright so long as you don't like more than 15kms away from the city. If you're out in the 'burbs its a nightmare.

Nothing people getting their fat asses on a bike wouldn't fix though!

Yep, preaching to the choir.

Also, I'm not sure why this is "adult content" and I had to click an age disclaimer? WTF?

Also, I'm not sure why this is "adult content" and I had to click an age disclaimer? WTF?

I've been seeing this all over my friends list today, at least six or seven links with age disclaimers, that did not have any specific adult content behind them.

I was very confused by this until someone pointed me to this entry in the official LJ biz community.

After that I felt compelled to change my journal to the "adult concepts" setting. I may change this soon if it keeps on resulting in these stupid disclaimers for content which is not "adult". I think I misunderstood the above explanation on how it is all supposed to work. It's really quite maddening.

The "Enclave" and "Armada"! Ha ha ha! I don't think I'd noticed those before, but from now on, it will be a source of amusement.

My all-time favorite is still the Dodge Ram, just for the flat-out honesty. You know, "you'd better *dodge* when you see it coming..." Some comedian did a riff on that, I don't remember who.

I don't think I'd noticed those before

I honestly think there are more SUVs down here than in New England. Maybe that's just my stereotype of southerners, but even in Colorado there aren't this many enormous vehicles. Once I was stuck in a traffic jam and surrounded on three sides by Hummers.

Yes, the Dodge "Ram" is very funny!

Marketing BS: Rant of the day

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